How to Stop Repeating the Abusive Relationship Pattern

Posted On Mar 31, 2021 |

If you've been doing this work for some time, then you understand that BOUNDARIES and STANDARDS are important.

If you've been doing this work for some time, then you understand that BOUNDARIES and STANDARDS are important.

We talk about them as if they're the elephant in the room because some of us don't really know what they need to be until a situation comes along that shows us that we never had them and need them now.

What are the boundaries necessary in your relationships? 

Have you considered the standards you need to have in order to avoid being with someone who doesn't meet them?

You see, we generally know when both boundaries and standards are missing even if we can't really articulate WHY. We just know something is missing, messed up and it needs to change.

A perfect example is being cursed at, ghosted, manipulated, gas lighted, abused - and still going back to the abuser. You know in your gut and your heart that it’s wrong but you’re not sure what or how to fix it.

Boundaries and Standards are all about self-love, personal value, authenticity, and integrity. They speak your language and create the foundation for your life and prevent anyone from abusing, mistreating, or hurting you.

Boundaries – designed to keep your self-love intact and prevent you from being manipulated, used, or violated

  • I have the right to my own friends, family, interest
  • I can say no to spending all my time with him
    • I will not accept disrespect, emotional/verbal/physical abuse
    • I will not confuse the role of partner vs parent
    • I will not date anyone who is in a relationship with someone else
    • No calls after ______________
    • No active substance abuse/use or other addictions

    Standards – the qualities that must be present from the very beginning

    • No emotionally unavailable partners
    • Must have basics in place: job, own place to live, and be able to support themselves
    • Must demonstrate good character and integrity – how they discuss past exes/past relationships
    • Engaged in active personal development and working on becoming the best version of themselves

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    Take some time to sit down and write up your own criteria for your Boundaries and Standards and then implement them in your relationships.


    Ready to explore Real Recovery After Abuse, Break the Cycle & Live Life Unafraid? Click Here to find out how