The truth of the matter is that letting go of the pain is really about taking personal responsibility for your life and your happiness.
I can remember the pain I felt when I left the man who tried to kill me. My heart felt like it was going to break into a million pieces. I had no idea if what happened to me was even real. Never mind moving past the abuse.
Letting go of your pain after an abusive relationship: A difficult challenge but a necessary step in your healing.
When I lived deep down the dark alley of the victim'hood, I truly believed the pain was never going to go away, I was going to be stuck there forever, this is what I deserved for allowing someone into my life who tried to take my life. I was very much caught up in that belief system.
But the truth of the matter is that letting go of the pain is really about taking personal responsibility for your life and your happiness.
Now, I know that sounds completely odd, but it's the truth.
So while I was stuck there in my corner, in my dark room, I wasn't taking any personal responsibility. I was still in the place of being the victim of an abusive relationship. I was drowning my sorrows with alcohol, drugs, and very bad boys! Each time I stepped out to party, I was giving my power to my abuser - he was right there with me. I was still giving my power to the abuser.
When we're in an abusive relationship, all of our power goes to him or her. That's what we do. We give all of our power away, we acquiesce, we do as we're told, we walk on eggshells, we try to make it better, we want to fix it, we want to please him, we want to be happy, we want to keep the peace, keep the children quiet, wear what you're supposed to wear, never ever rock the boat.
As time goes by, our power slowly, slowly, slowly diminishes.
And when we come out of the relationship, that power void is felt very deeply.
We crave getting back to this person, because when we have no power and we have someone in a position of power telling us what to do, it becomes very comfortable, because on our own, we don't know how to get that power.
In this video I give you a couple of little tips on how to do that, because I think it's really critical that we move ourselves away from longing for something and someone that wasn't real.
The love that we thought we had in the relationship is not real. Abusers are not capable of loving. There wasn't anything you could have done differently, better, more of less than, that would have made that person love you.
In this video, I share tips on how to let go of the pain.
Click https://youtu.be/Okn_D9r5i-M to watch.
These are foundational steps to support your long-term recovery.
Much love and happiness, Susan