What the abuser gives you is not love.
Things I have learned:
Breaking up with a narcissist is hard! It often takes multiple attempts to finally free yourself from your abusive narcissist.
Why? Narcissists are master manipulators and expert gaslighters and the ultimate control freak.
Narcissists do this as a means of control to get you to do what they want; which is to use you until there is nothing left. So, when you try to end your relationship with your abusive narcissist, you take their control away. And they can't let that happen even if they don't care about you or want to be with you. The control is essential.
Unfortunately, this reveals the narcissist's true nature. He knows exactly what to say and do to convince you to not end the relationship and ultimately, their control over you. They will promise you any and everything (except an apology, the truth, or closure), including change.
They hurt you, abuse you and then love bomb.
The love bombing causes you to become addicted to the abuser.
But don't be fooled these are all ploys/lies/manipulations. It's a head game to them and they are very skilled at playing to win - at all costs.
The narcissist will do everything they can to make you feel bad. They will cry, say you have broken their heart, insist you misunderstood, call you heartless and cruel, insult you (and often your family), bring up the "good times" or even call you the love of their life.
Whatever it takes.
Guilt, shame, blame, fear are all tools in the narcissists toolbelt and they are skilled craftsmen. They may seem concerned for your wellbeing and offer to be helpful and available in the future. Don't fall for it! It's another manipulation. Narcissists will do anything to keep an "in" so that they can eventually win back their control.
And you are stuck in the trauma bond created by the abuser to keep you under control, attached, thinking it will better, holding on to false promises, and believing they love you.
Breaking the Trauma Bond is the primary goal in your healing journey. It is how you will break free of the abuser, move into your new life confidently, and know for a fact you will not let another toxic, abusive, narcissist into your life.
Break the Trauma = Break the Cycle
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