Three truths you want to know and accept right now about the abuser in your life
1. They will never see themselves as the problem let alone an abuser. They will never admit to being the abuser in your life. They will keep their victim story going about how all these things have happened to them and you did it first! The abuser will not see your pain or hear your pleas. Your words fall on deaf ears. As hard as it is to hear, it is the truth and acknowledging the truth about the abuser supports your efforts to leave and/or stay away.
2. You will be MUCH happier when you decide to move on. Imagine waking up every day and not feeling like you're walking on eggshells waiting for the next shoe to drop. Imagine moving through your day knowing you are going home to peace and a healthy mental, physical, and emotional environment. Imagine choosing what you want to do minute by minute and doing it all without listening to all the reasons why what you're doing is wrong and stupid. Close your eyes, breath, imagine, and feel the peace, calmness, safety, and joy. Choose peace, safety, and YOU.
3. Focusing on your future is where you need to be! Where is your attention going? Where are you putting your focus? Focusing on your future and your wants, needs, and desires is how to begin moving away from the abuser to a healthy life for yourself. Create small goals and give yourself something to move toward and focus on that will support your future. Jot down what you want your life to have more and less of. Create steps to achieve the shifts you want to create in your life. Goals are action.
When you are entangled with the abuser or you've left and you're questioning yourself, it's very easy to spend your energy analysing why he or she behaves that way or says horrible stuff or neglects our needs, etc. These answers will never come. I spent way too long stuck in wondering why.
Sadly, the only answer to why the abuser abuses, is they choose to.
Once you acknowledge and accept who they are and that they are choosing to be bullies and abusers, you are able to clearly focus on yourself and create a life you love. Your focus shifts to You!
To your courageous healing, Susan
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